The mess we are in - Part II - By Pree

Well, continuing our LDR story.
This is the second act.

Victor landed in Brasilia's aiport on 11th August of 2010. I was late, but I got to get there and we kind of recognized each other. I would never say he was already 30 though. As I always do when I receive people from other countries or cities, I gave him a big hug. As he was not tired, I toke him to see the center of Brasilia instead of taking him home.

I remember I felt strangely good around that stranger on that morning, he was very shy but also fun, genuine, kind and very easy to deal with. I did not feel it was my obligation to be there, showing him around as a good hoster would do. I was really enjoying that morning, it was genuine.

After seeing some modern architecture, I took him to lunch in a place they serve food from the northeast of Brazil, and I remember observing him more and more after he ordered a Guarará Antártica. I realized he was actually a very interesting guy, and I knew it had to do with his shy personality.

By night on that same day, after work, I toke him to the Spicy Bar, where we met some of my friends from work. I kept observing the way he was talking with them, still shy but very gentle, as someone who takes people and their culture seriously, and then I realized how charming he was and... oops. I realized I was feeling attracted to him.

And it needs to be clear that I can be a bit slow with these boys and girls moves or signals, even when it comes from myself. It is not easy for me to feel attracted to someone so fast. Even more difficult for me is to be in love with someone. It takes me some time to trust someone or admire someone. Plus I was in a more introspective time, feeling that men were a bit silly and women were a bit needing - so the lesbianism would not be an option too. ;) I was counting already 2 years own my own, with no much feelings inside.

I was seeing a guy right before meeting Victor, actually. He was a very old friend from school who had came back from Rio de Janeiro, and although I was enjoying seeing him, I could not get more serious to that, I was not feeling paxion at all, I was not in love, so I stopped seeing him two nights before I met Victor.

After I realized I was feeling attracted to Victor, I instantly tried to cut that feeling out. I was receiving him because of the Couch Surfing project, and we have some tacit rules on there, where you can not use the project as a dating agency, so I avoid the thoughts, I wanted to keep being a "professional" hoster. A-han.

The next morning I was wearing the more ridiculous and big sleeping clothes someone could get and went to use the computer, in the livingrom, where he was already awake. I've shown him some of my worst pictures and videos, like someone would do in a situation they are not trying to flirt or conquire anyone. I had put in my mind I should not go on with those thoughts, and the next morning I was feeling quite ok about that.

Before going to work I told him I was going to a new pub by night and, if he wanted, he could join me. "It would be a lesbian party though" - I said. "My friend is playing on there tonight". He laughed and accepted the invitation anyway.

By night, there were us, Leonel and "Kytomoto", on the 80's club in Aguas Claras dstrict. We drank some caipiroskas (me) and beers (him), we danced (he was so bad at that that i found that cute) he toke some pictures of the band, we met some crazy beautiful girls and that was this. For that moment.

One of these beautiful girls got to him, and he thought she was flirting with him, but I felt he got disappointed when he realized she was actually flirting with me, not the opposite. I was already a bit drunk, speaking with the walls if I could, and I said him something like: "don't worry, we will find a nice girl for you. someone who speaks english or spanish at least!". I laughed. He laughed. And, for my surprise, using a very low tom of voice, he said: "you speak english". I got frozen and thought with myself. "He may be just joking, let's forget it".

I tried to forget that joke, but I guess I did not. And, somehow, in the middle of a very crazy night, we kissed. Happens that the shy guy was taking to long to kiss me, so I got tired to wait, toke his hands and made him approach to me. I kissed him. He was so shy that he did not know how to get to kiss me again after I went for a drink. And I was not used to be the one who take initiatives (I liked the feeling, actually - you go, girls!), but that was not my area yet, so I kind of did not feel confortable about aproaching to him again. "Maybe he is just too shy for me, or maybe he does not want and I misunderstood him" - I thought. A strange silence toke place between us while the music was still going on, and I said I wanted to go home.

But once we got to my car, things changed. I was merry enough to pretend nothing had happened and started singing with the song. Surprising for me, he started singing too. All the way home. That was very nice, actually. I felt we were creating a friendship bond at that moment, so I felt ok with what had just happened.

We got home, I went to my room, he did the same, the night was over.

I was very tired and, still wearing the party dress, I threw myself on the bed. I don't know what happened with the shy Vic, but he got strenght somewhere. Maybe he thought he would get lay, or something cheesy like that, haha, so he knocked my door - which was already completly open. And that was that. He approached, we kissed and that was how we ended that night: kissing each other till sleep (no, he did not score at that night).

The next morning I woke up by his side and I felt such a moral hangover. Again, I was never good at waking up by the side of someone I barely know, maybe because I can still be old-fashioned sometimes. Would I wake him up or not? Would we be the same, we should be, like: couch surfers buddies? Would we feel confortable again next to each other?

Happens that he opened his eyes and gave me a tender smile. He did not move his face, he did not want to leave, he just looked at me with his king eyes, like if he wanted someone to take care of him and like if he was feeling that was his place, in a very genuine way. We looked at each other and we started talking and talking and talking and hours of talking. We did not leave the bed, we just wanted to be there, talking. Deep conversations happened too, and I remember we cried together. After that moment, that was that: I was getting in love with him.

He was supposed to leave Brasilia at that day, but he stayed and we spend all weekend together. Time enough for him to get in love with my family (i toke him to a dinner) and with my cat Chico - which helped a lot. ;)

When he left Brasilia (towards to Rio de Janeiro), I felt strangely empty - and silly for being in love with someone who did not even live in my own country...! But then I read the note he has left in my desk: LOVE IS FREAKING MISTERY, it says (in a reference of "All is love" song, by Karen O. That made me hope for the best.

He decided to come back to Brasilia six days latter, before flying to Peru. I picked him up at the couch station in a sunny afternoon of august, and he was so charming whith his long hairs... We did not want to stop touching each other.

While I was working I received an email from him (who were now waiting for me in my house), telling me he was in love with me. Well, I was very in love too. The next day we decided we wanted to be together it did not matter how. We wanted to have a serious relationship and we promised to each other we would work hard to make that happens.

He was leaving Brasil and it was time to make our first plans though. They are the responsibles to keep a LDR alive. And that was the beginning of the first months without each other. More in the next chap.