What it meant to me

The year is ending, and there are so many memories of it. It started uncertain and so insecure, but Victor never allowed me to fear it. Always told me to trust in time and myself, and that I could handle anything.  

He was right. And I think I may have learnt a bit about tryin to be calmer in front of the non controllable or planned. And, again, I realized it’s better we keep calm when the tectonic plates of life vibrate. Anxiety disrupts the walk.

I did not let anxiety behind in 2012, Im still a dumb sometimes, but I gained more experience and I make my best to control it each day. I got a terrific partner, which surprised me every day for being so kind and patient, for wishing me so many good vibes and making so many efforts to make me happy. Partner this one that on January decided that it would not be so bad to commit with me and finaly did the proposal. I said no to create a dramatic scene, but sooner i’d get on my knees.

He had to put up with a lot this year. My anxiety about my new life and jobs, coupled with the fact that I was also anxious wondering when the hell we were going to stay together were not easy to stand. He saw me losing my confidence in future several times. Being in a long distance relationship was driving me crazy. Such a mess we were in! Still, he remained faithful to me and us and brought my faith back.

The process of transforming a long distant relationship in a real one (not denying a long distance relationship is also real) is difficult and painful. 2012 was about that, the painful transition.

We fell in Love in 2010. In 2011 we lived the apex of confidence and we had so much fun while together, we were so certain all was going to be right, all we needed was love. But 2012 changed everything for both of us and for profissional reasons we had to spend more time appart and we started realizing that time, money and distance could win and maybe separate us. That was not something impossible, i mean, reasonable thinking. And knowing it was not impossible was just too scary sometimes.

Thats why i say 2012 was hard for both of us. Also, we knew each other better. Knowing each other better means we know our ups and downs better than before and our downs were really annoying, as anyone else’s. ;) We tried to kill each other (using skype) lot of times. But somehow was easy to made up and let the love speak, that was the good part and it seems all we have passed made us strong as a couple – a big cliche.

But there was the distance, again. This little bitch is huge and stronger  than anyone can imagine. Was a tuff fight. But somehow the distance was just too much to stand, the willing to be together was also strong, and the decision had to be done for real. But, see, one of us having to pack up and leave your own world, friends, work, home, life, culture, language... it hurted sometimes.

Since the decision till now, when we received his brazilian visa, was a big walk. But its getting everyday more real for both of us, less painful for him, I hope, who is now leaving his town. He is dealing with this like a very rational man, a man who does not fear. His courage makes me strong too and I’m ready to suport him in anyways. All I want is to be a home for him and i’m sure Peru and Brazil will walk together in our lives. 

I know my baby will sometimes feel sad by being  far away from his people. I know my baby will have good and bad days in Brasil. I know he will maybe guilt me for the bad ones. I know my babe will miss peruvian food.  I know he will be fed up with some pieces of the brazilian culture sometimes. I know we will now know each other more and more and that we now have to be two times more patient (hehe). Finaly, we both know now we start another challenging period. Mas agora a gente vai juntinho. E juntinho a gente vai bem.

Felicidade é pouco.

Muita sabedoria e amor pra gente, parceiro.

Pra você, o melhor de mim.

See you next month. 

P.S: Vic learnt portuguese in 2012. and we stoped making the english our language.